complacency is lost

for a while, i had consistency, but lately, my moods resemble a polygraph chart. the highest high and the lowest low. ive grown more attached, more than i wouldve liked, more than i wouldve expected. in my attachment, ive grown dependent. i want it. i need it. i want and need more of it. crawling into bed at the end of the day, i am exhausted. drained. there is nothing left in me, but a constant questioning, wondering if i'll get what i need today, and the next, and the next? ive slipped and invested too much - too much and not getting back the fair trade. when exactly did i lose the upperhand?