someone ban me

for months now i've been saving every dollar of my paychecks and new years money. for so long now i've exercised self control. within the past three days my old habits are resurfacing. i've been buying on impulse. buying for the sake of buying. spending for the sake of spending. my closet is running out of space. my drawers are running out of room. i'm constantly shoving and tucking shirts in here and there so everything would fit. yet, what do i do? continue buying. i drag things home and store them in my room like some animal stocking up food for winter. funny thing is, i've just been doing winter clothes shopping. by spring, i'll drag some spring clothes home. and then some summer clothes by the time june and july rolls around.
so tonight, in keeping up with my recent indulgence, i went to solomon with mcc, and of course, being me, bought everything from lindt chocolate to leggings to scarves to shirts to starbucks. she had to pull me away from a shirt at one point. After two hours i had to leave the mall before more money was thrown around. afterwards, we stopped at keegan's apartment and hung out with him, rob, mike, and max. more importantly, it's always some risky business for me to be in proximity of a mall.

i drove through berlin tonight straight shot down the highway and through my chest and i thought about missing you and the meaning of the word futile

woke up really early and went out to breakfast at friendlys with meg and rob. it was the first time meg's ever actually met him. afterwards she said he was really quiet, while he said she was very talkative, too talkative for him to even get a word in haha. went back to my house after breakfast for a while, then i dropped her off at stephen's house, and dropped him off at palladium. went to nate's where brad, ian, alyssa, pat gosler, and max were already there. we all went to moes where mike calls at 3:20 asking where i was that i wasnt at work for 3. somehow i thought i had a 6-10. good thing i had clothes in the car to change and sped to work. ended up staying til 10.

accepted

bentley.
went out for gab's birthday dinner at red robin. got to see billy and frank after agesssss. they forgot my chicken in the chicken alfredo. sick

then went to max's and watched a documentary on valkyrie with him and patg. came home to wonderful news.

matthew mcconaughey i love you

woke up thinking about the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days, and was all i thought about the whole day. went over rob's in the evening and he happened to have it! :)

retail therapy i need you

half birthday

woke up at 8, went to keegan's at around 12. went to tortilla sams for the first time with rob and pat. i felt so dumb because i went to moes with pat, mike, and will before and had no idea that was the pat i was curious in meeting. so this whole time i kept asking who pat was ahaha. went to the mall to meet up with will and max but they'd already left, so that was a little pointless. drove back to keegans apartment to drop off pat and pick up will, then went to their apartment. hung around there til 430 when we dropped rob off at palladium then will back at keegans. went back home and changed for work. mike took my picture because the regional manager wants to pick me for the new top5 hco girls. i was introduced to our new assistant manager, who i have to say is the assistant manager from hell. working with him makes me appreciate, even love, mike. crazy thought. four hours somehow seemed like an eternity. i kept glancing at the clock which only made everything even slower. ten oclock rolled around and i just drove home and collapsed.

"youre in like 80% of the pictures"

you met me at a very strange time in my life

spent the earlier part of yesterday at rob's, then

fuck winter ball

got out of school, got ready, went to cam's for a while. later that night met up with pat leonard at blackstone to see marley and me. at one point i felt like i was watching rules of attraction all over again. john grogan's summary of him and his wife's life with marley was ironically cinematically produced to sound and look like victor's summary of his summer trip.
"Took a charter flight on a DC-10 to London...I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger."

these rhythms of mine are so inconsistent anyway

i want whats not there, but when its there, its not enough. so who do i blame? you or myself? on off on off on off on off on off on off on ff on f on n til theres nothing left.

sub cheese pizza baklava

keegan and i have decided to make golden pizza our hotspot.




ps. oh hey graceoday: we wanna travel lightly

soon

see you never

i just spent three hours cleaning out everything, throwing away things i normally would keep shoved into the corners of my room - my life. little knick knacks here and there. this and that. insignificant things i couldnt bring myself to get rid of because they reminded me of certain days, certain memories, certain people. well, theyre gone now i suppose, and so is 2008. ive cried more in 2008 than i have in my entire life - both from laughing too hard and from fucking up so bad i didnt know what else to do but cry. in the midst of everything though, ive met some cool kids that are still in my life now. essentially, that is what ill take from 2008: not the fuck ups, but the people.

new year. breaking old habits.